Dirty Little Secrets
by Beckon
Summary: They had always made a habit of denying it.
1. 109 Years Ago

Pain riddled his body and made broken pieces of his conscious; darkness edged its way around his vision and left him with only the blurred remains of the battlefield around him. The screams and shouts of the continuous fighting barely registered over the sound of blood pumping in his ears. The very tips of his fingers had gone numb as an eerie coldness drifted over his body and left a masochistic-like comfort to shelter his skin.

This was it…

He had always imagined a death like this would happen to him sooner or later; a death that would prove to him… he wasn't the strongest. A death that would give him some sense that others could survive to be around him.

But they were dead now…

He was the only one left standing, or rather dying now.

In all honesty, he embraced it. The cold, soulless life he had convinced himself to live was finally slipping away… maybe there was promise of something better on the other end. He didn't want a happy ending but maybe something better than this; something better than a fool on strings who had enough power to desecrate those around him without even the means to do so. Death was a comfort. He could finally accept that.

But… he only consented to it because Death had taken away something he had lived for.

It was so comforting now but… moments before, Death had been nothing more than a cruel, senseless bastard he wished for nothing of.

"I'm so sorry…" his voice was weak and shallow; he could barely tell if it came from his lips or if he was merely thinking of the words instead. "We shared our fears… our distrust… everything… but I couldn't save you; I couldn't even protect you… When this life is over, I want to meet you in another world."

His body refused to carry out the actions of his mind but his last resource of strength fought bravely. Fingertips reached out to touch the ones who fell open to the sky; mere inches separated them but that short length was enough to torture him. He could feel himself shaking from the exertion of strength it took just for that small motion.

"You helped to cure a disease I thought would be the death of me… Tia…"

**X**

Broken fingers carefully moved to close the space between the absent touch that separated them.

Her energy was slipping and barely hanging on at this moment; it was barely enough to keep her alive for too long… the thought of death was almost comforting at this point though. Her shattered senses failed to pick up even the slightest movement from him; it failed to even trigger at the lightest brush of his energy.

It didn't take her long to figure out why.

"You've already left me… haven't you?" she whispered; giving into the faint hint of metallic blood at her lips. Dying blue eyes watched him in the remains of her vision, unable to forgive the cracked evidence of his hollow hole; the damage had long since spread itself across his chest in a massacre of the symbol that had committed them to being heartless.

The marks of betrayal that decayed on her body had long since given up and removed any sense of pain from her consciousness. Her scattered thoughts barely able to piece things back together… and she was thankful for it almost. This way… she could die without hate; she could die in a sense of comfort.

An odd, masochistic sense of comfort.

Everyone else was gone…

There was no reason for her to keep hanging on.

For once… she found it acceptable to give in and give away. There was nothing else that this life could offer her.

"… I'm going to meet with you soon enough… it doesn't matter how or where but our paths are going to cross… I'll make sure of it." it was taking what little remained of her strength to keep talking even though her words barely passed themselves through her bloodied lips. "All of us… we'll be back… we were puppets and toys but… that illusion didn't last… it's over now. SunSun and Apache and Mila Rose… they'll be there with me… and so will you… promise me that."

She slowly slipped her fingers between his own and rested her hand in the empty touch of his.

"It was a pleasure to meet you… Starrk…"


	2. 120 Years Ago

"Harribel…"

Somewhere in the blanket of darkness that conformed to her body, she heard him whisper her name. Fingertips curled lightly into the warm skin that seemed to bypass her own sight; feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest as it moved beside her. The light fragrance of his presence lingered against her own skin as she turned into the soft body.

"…Yes?"

He had merely let her name slip in the midst of the darkness… for unknown reasons; it had been on the tip of his tongue now for some time and it just felt… he wanted to say it out loud. Maybe to convince himself that she was indeed the woman next to him. Her identity was not to be mistaken or confused for another. He didn't really expect her to answer; he had long since assumed she had fallen asleep.

"I… I just wanted to make sure you were still there."

She chuckled lightly and tucked her head against his shoulder. "That's naïve of you, Starrk."

"Can't really blame me, now can you?"

"No, I suppose not."

Even in the dark, fingers moved to brushed through her messy blonde strands; tucking a few of them behind one ear. He shifted just enough to press his forehead against her own and listen to the soft hum that left her throat at the gesture. Her warm fingertips moved to cradle the curve of his jawline as she gently pulled him in against her; minimizing the space between them.

"… There's talk about a scheduled attack sometime soon…"

"I've heard of them…" she nodded as she took in the hint of sweat on his skin. She had overheard the news from Loly and Menoly, who had been present in the room when the matter was being discussed. They weren't able to overheard much of it but what they reported to her… it was enough to be incriminating. She assured them that should the act be followed through with, she wasn't going to allow anything to happen to them; if there was anyone who was going to settle the battlefield, it was going to be the heartless ones.

"Are you worried?"

"No, why should I be?"

Shaking her head lightly, she chuckled once more. "You're the Primera, what is there for you to be worried about?"

"Someone stronger than me?"

"Hmmm… maybe…"

A long sigh escaped him as he moved his fingers to trail along the soft curve of her body. "The thought of someone causing you harm is frightening… I know it seems insulting but… the thought of someone killing you is absolutely terrifying as well. We've never been permitted to share a battlefield together; while I would love to see how you fight, I couldn't enjoy the context of it."

Arms moved to slide around his body as she pulled herself in closer to him. "Let's face it, we both have a lot of fears to express. We're fighting for… empty reasons it seems; there's nothing we're actually getting from this. I'm scared about what might happen to Apache, SunSun and Mila-Rose… I tell them that I'll always protect them but we're walking into this battle blind; I can't be certain my words will be the same. And if something happens to you… I'll probably already be long past expired should something like that occur."

"Why would you say something like that?"

She pushed herself from the bed of pillows underneath them; hardly bothering with the dark covers that had been pulled over. "Because we're not invincible; we're not immortal. If we can bleed then we can die. The others are all high and mighty over their powers, over their numbers and their strengths but… we're rational; we don't believe that our numbers give us reasoning to fight. We may be higher on the list, Starrk… but that doesn't put us above death. It's still a possibility."

He reached forward and stroked his fingers down her spine; softly caressing the flesh beneath his touch. "You're right… we're not invincible… but thankfully for us, we're more rational in thought so we should be able to give ourselves a good standing. I believe we'll win. We'll suffer and be tortured but… I think we'll make it. Yes, there is reason to worry and fret; those kind of feelings remind us how alive we are now and should remind us how alive we'll still be."

Running her fingers through her hair, she pushed the messy strands from her face before she looked back to him; her heavy mask hiding the light smile she cursed at him. "Listen to us… this isn't like us to be discussing such matters and fears."

"Perhaps not but it makes for an interesting conversation piece."

Shaking her head, she fell back towards him and rested herself over his body; feeling his hands meet together over the center of her back. "As long as I have you by my side…"

"You always will."


	3. 250 Years Ago

Despite the looks and questions she had been getting lately, she continued to deny what everyone seemed to be either excited for or disappointed of.

She had gotten almost lost in the small crowd of Arrancar females who managed to find their way this far up the line; while she took it upon herself to keep most of them out of trouble and provide them some sense of safety, she continued to seemingly rid them of that false sense of curiosity and amazement. It had taken her nearly to the point of threatening to get them to finally silence themselves of the matter. She knew they still talked about it behind her back or when her presence wasn't around to eavesdrop in on them.

"_But he's the First Espada, Lady Harribel, that makes him different."_

"_By very little and besides there is nothing between Starrk and myself; is it a crime to mingle with those of the male species now?"_

"_Well no but-"_

"_But nothing. There is nothing to discuss here."_

It was impossible to ignore that look of disappointment most of them carried after she refused to give into their questioning. It wasn't like she was hurting them, she just preferred to keep some of her own life private. She just wished some of them would carry on that same respect and not insist on filling her in on the details of their intimate lives. But there was little else she could do about that aside from grimace at their sickeningly open details.

"I have to ask, are you getting as much crap about this as I am?"

She glanced up at the deep voice and caught herself smiling at the sight of the dark-haired Primera standing in the doorway; they both seemed to share the same tastes for hanging out in the slightly-hidden library that had been split up across the massive fortress. Closing the book in hand, she carefully tossed it onto the low table in front of her; watching as it collided with the small pile she had accumulated over the passing hours. "Something like that, yes. Some of the female Arrancars here seem to have taken it upon themselves to interrogate me at every waking moment. Does the same go for you?"

"Not at every moment but I do get those 'looks' that are apparently supposed to mean something." he shrugged. "Every now and then, one of them will make some kind of remark that apparently means I'm a 'lucky' man. To be honest, it's all ridiculous banter."

"Lucky?" she repeated as though intrigued by the word. "Why say that?"

"I don't think you have to ask unless you really want me to go into detail about how to answer that question." he chuckled as he leaned in against the thick doorframe.

She leaned back against the arm of the leather couch just the same and pulled her legs out from underneath her; allowing them to take up the next two cushions in front of her. "Depends."

"On?"

"On whether or not you're looking to cross these 'boundaries' between us." she answered smoothly.

There was a sense of almost comical hesitation in his expressions before he allowed for another short chuckle to escape him; one hand moving to ruffle up his disheveled locks. "Uh well, that's quite an offer you make there, Lady Harribel."

"Is it now?"

"Has anyone ever told you how intimidating you can be?"

She moved to push a strand of blonde hair from her face. "No, not really, but then again I don't necessarily go about and brag, now do I? However, I suppose intimidations can come in many forms and in many different ways."

"If I were to be honest with you again… that kind of intimidation is what makes me question whether or not to push those boundaries. After all, I ask myself if there's really anything to make of this partnership." he started. "But, perhaps I'll make a decision of it one day… should that kind of push come along willingly."

"Willingly? Now that's an interesting term."

"Lady Harribel, you make it difficult for me to restrain myself sometimes."

She cocked her head softly at his remark but only smiled to herself at the words. "The same goes for you, Starrk; perhaps we should both watch ourselves around one another. After all, we wouldn't want to give in to all this… influence, now would we?"

"Depending on who's giving the influence."

"Touché."

He nodded to her before he pushed himself from the support of the doorframe. "You must excuse me, Lady Harribel, unfortunately my visit could only be short-lived but well spent. Will I have the chance to see you later on this evening?"

"Only if I have the luck of it." she replied; nodding back as she watched that grin of his before it disappeared with him as he stepped out of view. She listened to the receding echo of his footsteps before she looked back to the pile of books she had stacked nearby; they no longer interested her anymore.

Sighing softly, she used two fingers to rub at one temple as she worked her way through a different thought process now and again. They always shared conversations like the one before; ones where they both played with the idea of pushing this 'partnership' of theirs. Their kind had harbored the image of being relentless, cold, uncaring and unmerciful and yet… she couldn't keep herself from thinking of him. The thought of trying to ignore him or deny those 'feelings' she felt towards him never completed itself; she always interrupted her own process so it couldn't finish.

They put up a front of denial.

How much longer could they keep that up?

"What book did you read that requires that much concentrated thinking?"

The question snapped her from her thoughts as she turned her attention towards the voice; taking note of the newcomer in the front. Purple-locks dressed down the woman's curved jawline in two separate tails as though to harbor a sense of childish appeal but the stone-hard expressions that wrinkled her nose and brow provided otherwise; her somewhat questioning weapon and uniform added only more evidence that she was one for little provoking - unless someone wanted to be in pain.

The woman was leaned against the back of the couch in a sense of loose curiosity. It was a rarity to see a Privaron sometimes but she had grown accustom to the woman's presence; they had a lot to share after all.

"This much thinking has little to do with novel structure." Harribel replied.

"Ah yes, that kind of look belongs to only one type of structure." Cirucci remarked as she easily seated herself on the edge of the couch. "All about the males, right?"

"I wouldn't list it as plural."

"Ah yes, all about the Primera, correct? Interesting case."

She cocked an eyebrow at the woman's remark. "Carry on."

"It doesn't take sight to see what's going on; it's all about the internal conflict and inner turmoil wishing to fight against the outside tension." Cirucci shrugged as one hand moved to tuck away a strand of hair that had somehow gotten loose. "You know, in a world as cold as this, you would think people like us would embrace that moment of warmth."

"Maybe some of us don't want just a simple moment of it."


	4. 300 Years Ago

"So tell us about this man."

A long sigh left her as she looked up to the three who had willingly ambushed her; the three of them somehow managed to squeeze themselves into one doorway without the threat of annihilating one another. She just wanted a few minutes of rest, was that too much to ask? "There is nothing to tell you about Starrk."

"But you guys are always together after meetings." Apache remarked.

"And how would you know that?"

The blue-haired woman seemed to stiffen slightly at the question. "Uh well… we just happened to catch some glimpses of you two together-"

"So you were spying on me then?" Harribel asked as she leaned back into the massive cushions behind her; carefully tucking her arms over the back of the couch, she comfortable situated herself before she turned back to the other three.

"I wouldn't call it spying." Mila-Rose started.

"It was their idea." SunSun added.

"Oh shut up, it's not like you tried to stop us!"

She shook her head as the soon to be screaming match started and found herself chuckling lightly. "Rest assured, there is absolutely nothing between Espada Starrk and I. Perhaps we do mingle together after meetings but it is only for conversation sake and I would much rather speak with him than any other of the fellow Arrancars here. You know I wouldn't put anyone else into my life, after all I believe the three of you take up enough room."

"He's a fine-looking man though." Mila-Rose remarked with a quick grin.

"Well now, I never said that he wasn't."

"Lady Harribel!"

She chuckled once more at the reaction before she took note of the faint echo of a knock at the front door; grand, just what she wanted right now: visitors. "Could one of you answer that for me and tell them I am not in the mood for guest and to please come back later."

"Ugh, fine." Mila-Rose groaned as she watched the other two walk into the room and join the Espada on the couch instead. Shaking her head, she pushed herself from the doorframe and stormed down the hallway. She had no problem obeying Lady Harribel's wishes but sometimes it felt like she was the only one doing all the work. Ruffling up her thick, dark-brown locks, she carefully readjusted and smoothed out her uniform as she approached the front door. They didn't really have that many visitors, an occasional knock here or there from other Fracción members maybe but she couldn't really pick up much on the faint energy that was present in the air. Touching the front door, she carefully pulled it open and started to relay the same message Lady Harribel had told her… but stopped herself.

"I'm sorry for the sudden visit but I wanted to speak to Lady Harribel just momentarily." Starrk spoke.

She stood there for a moment contemplating what Lady Harribel had said about guests, what the first Espada wanted and… what she wanted out of the both of them. It didn't take long before a sincere-enough smile graced her dark lips. "Give me just a moment to go get her." she replied as she left the door at a crack before she headed back down the hallway- her smile morphing into a grin now.

"- So then Ggio ended up having to go to the medical wing afterwards and that's why I'm no longer allowed to be near him… for now anyways." Apache finished as she slumped her small frame into corner of the couch; her feet propped up on the cushion with her.

"What have I told you about hanging around him anyways?" Harribel replied as she tossed a nearby throw pillow at her. She glanced up as she spotted Mila-Rose in the doorway now. "Who was it and did you tell them that I will deal with them later?"

"Well, no actually-"

"I told you she couldn't do anything right." Apache started.

"Well maybe if you weren't so damn lazy-" SunSun remarked.

"I will end you."

"Who is it and what do they want?" Harribel questioned; watching as the darker-skinned woman only seemed to grin back at her. "I don't like that face."

"Well uh, I didn't think it would be polite to send away the Espada Primera." Mila-Rose answered.

"That's a pity, because that's what I wanted you to do." she remarked swiftly before she pushed herself from the couch and smoothed out her uniform for a moment. "I'll go see what he wants and I'll be back in a few; please try not to kill one another in the short time span that I'll be absent."

"No promises."

Shaking her head, she stepped out of the room and started down the hallway; already able to pick up on his unique energy levels from this distance. Why he was here, she didn't really care for nor did she bother herself much on it. It had been a long day and she wanted nothing more than to relax and do nothing else for the remainder of the day… although that wasn't to say that this sudden visit was to go for granted. In the passing weeks and months, they had… gotten to know each other better. She wouldn't go as far to say how _well_ they had gotten to know one another but it was sufficient enough for her to greet him herself this time. Ruffling up her blonde bangs as she reached the door, she pulled it open from where it had been left ajarred; her crystal eyes meeting with his own earthly ones.

"Starrk."

"Lady Harribel."

"And… what do I owe for this kind of visit?" she remarked; catching a light chuckle from him.

Fingers ran through his dark-brown locks as pushed them from his face. "Actually to be quite honest, I don't really have a reason."

There was something in that rather sincere- yet nervous chuckle that told her he was serious, and she couldn't help but to find part it somewhat… attracting. "So you dropped by to interrupt my time with my Fracción members for… no reason?" she quizzed; watching as the ever present expression on his face seemed to shift just slightly at her words- it wasn't really for panic or such but more as though being caught off-guard maybe? "I find that hard to believe, Starrk."

At first, he had taken her remark seriously, that was until he caught just the slightest hold on that light tease in her words; after that revelation, he only shook his head with another chuckle. "Ah well… perhaps I was curious to see whether or not you would join me for a walk around Los Noches."

"Yes well, that offer is tempting but… I have to keep a close eye on my Fracción members around this time. If not, then they tend to get themselves loose and-"

"Don't use us as an excuse!"

She glanced back at the remark and just barely caught sight of the trio ducking back into the sitting room. Of course, how could she not have expected them to eavesdrop on her conversation. She turned back to relay a remark to the other Espada but stopped when she caught him laughing.

"Believe me, Lilynette would have done the same thing." Starrk commented. "In fact… she rather encouraged me to come over and talk to you."

"Did she now?"

"She appears to have the same mindset that your own Fracción members do. That this… partnership between us is rather something more."

"So it seems." Harribel nodded. "Unfortunately, I suppose they're all just getting their hopes up for nothing. But… since you came out this far for a simple request, I suppose it would be only respectful for me to accept it."

"It's not really necessary- although I won't complain if you do."

She caught herself smiling just lightly before she nodded once more. "Yes well then… let's go."


	5. 310 Years Ago

So this was Los Noches.

It wasn't too shabby- in fact, from the outside, it looked like some sort of magnificent palace that was set as a cruel mirage to dance on the horizon line; the interior of it only moved to push that illusion as the rather bleak color-scheme was overthrown with the beautifully hand-crafted furniture and decorations. It was like nothing she had seen before. And yet… it was desperate.

It was cold.

It was cruel.

And out of everything, it was something she wasn't entirely working for or working against.

This man- Sosuke Aizen- there was something about him she didn't like; in fact there was something about everyone here that she wasn't a fan of. It felt like the others were far too intrigued and interested in this man's plan; they were all far too willing to participate in this obvious seed of destruction that would be planted into the heart of this 'Soul Society.' Yes, she understood the shared hatred of Shinigami's- they were the only other natural born enemy of hollows; the first being each other. Yes, it seemed like a formable plan to strike them when they were wounded and vulnerable for ambush; yes it seemed like a concrete idea to do whatever they had to by any means necessary to win.

But this man was a soon to be former Shinigami Captain…

He was on the path of betraying his own realm; his own fellow Captains.

What made them think they could trust him?

What made them think he wouldn't do the same back to them?

He talked about how they- as hollows- were the dominating species; how they were the ones who were really in power. So why should they bother listening to a Shinigami like him? Why should they be dressed in such uniform manners and given a number to keep in line? This wasn't the trait of a domination species. This was like cattle being lead to the slaughter.

But regardless… he had rescued not only her life but the lives of the other three Hollows she had somehow accompany herself with; they too were introduced into this palace-like structure but were given some kind of duty. Apparently they were her Fracción now, which meant they were to serve under her command- an odd kind of duty but she barely let herself think on it; a simple term and a little word would do little to deter herself from them. She had worked hard to protect them, that as an act she wasn't going to give up; she didn't care who would try to cross her line, but they would have much to deal with in the case that they did.

She glanced up as she took little time to examine the other people around her; these other hollows, now termed as the 'Espadas.'

There was a black-haired, pale-skinned man at the end of the table- an eerie looking sonvabitch. Next to him was a dark-haired man who looked as though he was halfway through falling asleep in the middle of this 'gathering.' Next to him and on her right was another black-haired 'Espada' whose massive height prevented him from properly fitting his legs under the table, instead he had them crossed in his chair- he also could not keep his eyes to himself. To her left was another strange looking being, he didn't really have a head but rather a large, white mask that extended a few feet and seemed to be encasing something underneath it. At the far end of the table was another massive brute form, yet another person who looked equally irritated and/or bored with this slowly progressive meeting. And then there was a presence she had recognized before- it was that damned shadow of a 'King' who had harassed her before; what the fuck was he doing here? On second thought, she didn't want to know nor did she care at this present time. Sitting diagonal from her was a rather colorful-looking figure, instead of the usual dark-color tone, he had rather vibrant-pink hair… how odd; that almost maniac-like look on his face kept her from examining him further. From there was a dark-toned man whose hollow piece was broken up into seemingly tribal-like jewelry pieces. And at the other end of the table, was a light-blue haired man whose increasingly boastful grin was only slightly irritating- she was certain she had heard him from before and she did not enjoy his rather colorful rant.

So these were the Hollows she would be spending who knows how long with.

She supposed it could've been worse, although being the only female in the room had it's downfalls too.

She knew how hollows worked when they were all disorganized out in the desert; she had killed a few to protect herself and her 'Fracción.' If any of them thought they were going to get close to her, she would have no choice but to show them why she had been given the number '3' and she would not hesitate to give a demonstration. However, it would take quite a bit of provoking to get her to that point; she had no interest in fighting over silly, childish matters.

That was only if they provoked her though, if any of them thought to step towards her other three, then she would make sure there would be hell to pay.

The sound of chair legs scraping against the ceramic floor signaled that this meeting had been short-lived and was over. Thankfully. She couldn't careless for introductions and preferred to return to her rightfully given wing to rest for the remainder of the evening- perhaps check in with the other three and see how they were doing.

Her black-leather fingers pushed herself away from the table and she watched as a few of the others were already heading out of the door- she supposed she was not the only one looking forward to leaving this waste of time. This new life would take some getting used to but… she had no doubts that she would adapt quickly.

"Harribel, I wish for you to meet with someone."

The man's voice made her cringe on the inside as she turned back to see what he wanted; a part of her tempted to rip his eyes out if they continued to move as they did. "Yes?"

"This is Starrk, Primera Espada."

It was that man from before, the one who looked as though he was ready to pass out- that look still continued to hold onto him even now. A gloved hand rubbed at the back of his head as he stifled a short yawn before he raised those chocolate-brown eyes to her.

"Starrk, this is Tia Harribel, Espada Tres."

He had no right to introduce her as such but she let it pass as the other Espada held out a hand in greeting; for once, those brown eyes never left her own. She waited a few moments before she reached forward to complete the gesture. Despite his somewhat lazy appearance, his grip was firm and he casually let go after only a couple of seconds.

"Lady Harribel… it was a pleasure to meet you."

"… The same goes for you, Starrk."


End file.
